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[venkatcr]

A completely new definition of cloud computing. If our tax department is managed by such people, we are doomed.

Vishwa Bandhu Gupta Explains Cloud computing [funny] English subtitles - YouTube

Cheers

 

[gobble]

OMG!!! The man is a genius!! He is clairvoyant!! He has the ability to perceive what we don't!! To see beyond ordinary truths...

Wonder if he was ever featured on X-Files?!!! hyeah:

ROFLMAO! Damn! Now I need a second bath ....

--G0bble

 

[venkatcr]

Ahhhhhh! Finally some reaction. This guy takes on our leaders on the one hand, and does this on the other. Really, God save this country. I mean look at the interviewer listening to this complete BS, and not reacting?

Cheers

 

[ssf]

Cloud computing is dangerous. With all those google CD's and servers on the clouds, are our pilots trained enough to avoid them like we do the potholes when driving ?

If one talks nonsense with authority to people who don't know any better, quite often than not, the listener believes.

I come across a lot of these gems in my line of work which unfortunately am unable to share.

 

[goyal.sanchit]

Ahhhhhh! Finally some reaction. This guy takes on our leaders on the one hand, and does this on the other. Really, God save this country. I mean look at the interviewer listening to this complete BS, and not reacting?

Cheers

His credibility has taken a serious hit after his explanation of cloud computing! Who would believe him that gandhis have accounts in swiss banks if he keeps on saying things like this?

 

[Hiten]

 

[sound1]

Cloud computing is dangerous. With all those google CD's and servers on the clouds, are our pilots trained enough to avoid them like we do the potholes when driving ?

Why do you think we have so many MIGs falling down? We definitely need modern training infrastructure to adapt to accelerating technological advancements.

/sarcasm

 

[moktan]

From: EFFICIENCY & TICKET, LTD., Management Consultants
To: Chairman, The London Symphony Orchestra
Re: Schubert's Symphony No. 8 in B minor.

After attending a rehearsal of this work we make the following observations and recommendations:


We note that the twelve first violins were playing identical notes, as were the second violins. Three violins in each section, suitably amplified, would seem to us to be adequate.

Much unnecessary labour is involved in the number of demisemiquavers in this work; we suggest that many of these could be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver thus saving practice time for the individual player and rehearsal time for the entire ensemble. The simplification would also permit more use of trainee and less-skilled players with only marginal loss of precision.

We could find no productivity value in string passages being repeated by the horns; all tutti repeats could also be eliminated without any reduction of efficiency.
In so labour-intensive an undertaking as a symphony, we regard the long oboe tacet passages to be extremely wasteful. What notes this instrument is called upon to play could, subject to a satisfactory demarcation conference with the Musician's Union, be shared out equitably amongst the other instruments.

Conclusion: if the above recommendations are implemented the piece under consideration could be played through in less than half an hour with concomitant savings in overtime, lighting and heating, wear and tear on the instruments and hall rental fees. Also, had the composer been aware of modern cost-effective procedures he might well have finished this work.

 

[moktan]

one for the season....

What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate Clauses..

remember reading this somewhere....

 

[sound1]

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

-- forwarded by a friend

 

[cmsajith]

A really happened joke...from memory...

One of my colleague requested his boss for 1 week leave because his wife was pregnant and the delivery date was fixed.
In a random thought the manager replied.. once it is ok, dont you know we have a tight schedule...DONT repeat this..!!!.(probably manager was hinting about the leave)

 

[Santy]

Old one but I still love it

Millennia Year Application

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS).
Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS.

We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.

Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS.

Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS. Last week my secretary said to me, "I'm a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before." I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS.

There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS.

This database will encompass all information associated with the business. As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS.

As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, "here, stick this in MYASS."

It will be a great day when we need data quickly and our employees can respond, "Here it is, I just pulled it out of MYASS."

 

[kaushik]

santa had a dream where a lady slapped him ..
next day he is not going bank ..
coz written :we will make your dreams become reality"

 

[tasanjeev]

A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her
husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking
too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter.
Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick!
Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're
cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your
mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"

The wife stared at him and asked, "What the heck is wrong with you? You
think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when
I'm driving with you in the car."

 

[tasanjeev]

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'

 

[venkatcr]

Teacher/Student Jokes:

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
--------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

 

[tasanjeev]

Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'

 

[Kittu]

Man in pub with wife Suddenly he says - "I luv u"...
Wife: is that u or the beer talking....
Husband : it's me...talking to the beer

 

[Santy]

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: Rs. 1000 only.
Patient: In a surprising mood, Rs. 1000 for just a few minute work?
Dentist: Well, I can extract it in two hours if you like.

_________________________________

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn't I, you dumb idiot!!!

_________________________________

Doctor, Youve got to help me I just cant stop my hands shaking!
Do you drink a lot?
Not really I spill most of it!

_________________________________

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted a famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish, this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me are doing basically the same work?"

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic...
.
.
.
.
"TRY TO DO IT WHEN THE ENGINE IS RUNNING".

 

[Hiten]